Is "Death Grip Syndrome" Killing Your Sex Life?

Despite its name, "death grip syndrome" is not something that is going to kill you. That said, it could absolutely kill the vibe if it's one of the reasons you or your partner has a hard time finishing during sex. Let us explain.

Death grip syndrome is a term used to describe someone who has difficulty orgasming during sex because they've become too accustomed to a specific type of stimulation during masturbation. While it isn't an official medical diagnosis, death grip syndrome is a very real thing people experience and is most common for people with penises if they masturbate too tightly or aggressively. There's even an entire Reddit thread dedicated to discussing the symptoms and offering tips on "how to regain sensitivity and be able to orgasm in your partner's vagina without using your hands."

One Reddit user mentioned that he had "difficulty keeping it up and no human vagina could provide enough pressure to finish me." Another on a different thread said he takes a while to finish during sex because he frequently masturbates "with an excessive grip and a lot of porn consumption."

The good news: death grip syndrome doesn't have to be the reason you never have fulfilling sex again. With time, patience, and practice, you can learn how to orgasm during sex again. A great first step is understanding what exactly death grip syndrome is, how it happens, and why your blow job skills aren't to blame.

Experts Featured in This Article

Justin Lehmiller, PhD, is a social psychologist, research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, and a scientific advisor at Arcwave, a men's sex-toy brand. He is also the author of "Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life."

Suzannah Weiss is an AASECT-certified sex educator and the resident sexologist for Fleshy, a men's sex-toy brand. She is also the author of "Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject."

What Is Death Grip Syndrome?

"Death grip syndrome is a widely used term that refers to the desensitization of the penis that supposedly occurs from using a very tight grip or applying excessive pressure during masturbation," says social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, PhD. However, the symptoms are not exclusive to those with penises. Death grip syndrome can also occur when "women become accustomed to masturbating with vibrators and may be less easily stimulated by gentler forms of touch," sex expert Suzannah Weiss says.

Although it is not a recognized medical diagnosis and there's "almost no research out there on the topic," Dr. Lehmiller says, many people report experiencing death grip syndrome anecdotally. "If I had to estimate, I'd say that about one in five men experience death grip at some point," Weiss adds.

If you're wondering whether death grip syndrome could be the reason you have a hard time orgasming during sex, Weiss says this could be the case "if you are having a hard time getting or maintaining an erection, orgasming with a partner, or orgasming without very firm touch."

What Causes Death Grip Syndrome?

Because there's no research on the topic, it's hard to know exactly what causes death grip syndrome, but Weiss says it's most likely by rushing an orgasm during masturbation. For example, someone may grip their penis more tightly or increase exertion to finish more quickly.

"Is it the case that a firm grip during masturbation necessarily desensitizes a penis, or could it be that a penis that was just low in sensitivity to begin with leads men to adopt a firmer grip in order to compensate?" Dr. Lehmiller asks. According to some Reddit threads, some people believe that death grip could be due to the overconsumption of porn as well.

How to Fix Death Grip Syndrome

If you are experiencing death grip syndrome, Weiss recommends trying a different masturbation technique. "Use gentler touch, and do not worry about reaching the goal of orgasm," Weiss says. "Block out more time and explore your whole body." She also recommends exploring your erogenous zones or prostate play.

Dr. Lehmiller adds that it may be helpful to incorporate sensations that you get during partnered sex into your masturbation routine. "This might involve using a male masturbator or sleeve to masturbate, which can help simulate the feelings of intercourse," he says. "With time and practice, if you can learn to orgasm via this kind of stimulation during masturbation, it may make it easier to reach orgasm during partnered activity."

Another option could be mixing up what penetrative sex looks like for you. "Know that touching yourself is an option during partnered sex if that is your easiest way to get off," Weiss says. Even mutual masturbation could be a healthy alternative. If death grip syndrome persists, working with a sex therapist could help you get to the bottom of why you may not be able to orgasm during sex.

On the other hand, if your partner is the one experiencing death grip syndrome, you can also help by removing pressure to orgasm during sex. "Understand that your partner may need to engage in self-exploration to learn to experience pleasure in different ways," Weiss says. "Do not put pressure on them to respond sexually in a way that is difficult for them. Reassure them that you're having a good time and are open to pleasing them in whatever way works best."

At the end of the day, all bodies are different, and some require more or less stimulation than others. Though not being able to orgasm from sex could be for a myriad of different reasons, know that an orgasm doesn't always have to be the end goal. (And oftentimes, if you remove the pressure to orgasm all together, that could be enough to help you reach orgasm in the first place.)

"There's a common tendency to blame men's masturbation habits as being the problem here, but it's important to recognize that penises naturally vary in their level of sensitivity and sensation," Dr. Lehmiller says. "Some are hypersensitive, some are hyposensitive. It's possible that in many supposed cases of this syndrome, we're really just seeing someone who was hyposensitive all along."

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.